Mother Burn-Out

You have all probably read something or have heard something on the subject of "job burn-out." I am convinced that everyone, at one time or another and to some degree, suffers from "job burn-out." Mothering is also a job, even though the pay is not in dollars.

"Mother burn-out" is a term I use for another type of "job burn-out."

The problem: being a mother is a managerial type position. Sometimes managers quit for one reason or another, but this is a job that you wouldn't want to quit, even if you could.

You can't hire or fire new "employees," meaning your kids.

You might ask yourself "What if I get tired of being a mom?" Every once in a while we hear of a mother leaving her family or causing harm to them. This, obviously, is not the answer to "burn-out." Most women wouldn't even think of doing such things anyway. Since we all have the possibility of feeling "burn-out," the determining factor is in how we handle these feelings. I

f you sometimes feel overwhelmed, discontent, or like you would `just like to get away,' this is what I call "mother burn-out." I have gone through these feelings periodically. Here are four practical ideas for avoiding this condition:

First, if you can get away for a weekend with just your husband, that's great! This will improve your relationship and help keep your love young and alive. There are a lot of really fun things you can do depending on your finances and personal likes. You don't have to be independently wealthy. Hire a babysitter, or better still, work a trade with a friend or relative, and give them a chance to get away as well. Go for a ride in the country or anywhere else that strikes your fancy. A picnic is always fun and easy. You are changing your routine and enjoying yourself. Being able to get away to a Bed and Breakfast, would also be great. If you can't afford the expense, create your own "get away" at home. Put a sign on your bedroom door such as "The Waldorf Hotel," get a video, prepare something unusual for dinner, and relax in your haven that you have created. Our kids have really gotten into this. They like to be the room service and dress up like a waiter or waitress. The girls put on a black skirt with a white blouse and a white apron, while the boys wear dark pants, white shirt and perhaps a vest. Of course they have to have a dish towel draped over their arm. (They have even enjoyed preparing an unusual meal to give me a break and also to give them the feeling that they are putting on the show.)

Second. If lack of time is the biggest problem and you feel like you need to get away now, take a walk. Even if you have to push the stroller, you are getting away from your normal surroundings. You might ask, "Why walk and not drive?" My answer, walking is good exercise. This kind of aerobic exercise is also good to relieve stress, which is a factor in "mother burn-out." As you walk, you are working out frustrations. It's amazing how you will be able to pull yourself together using this method. There have been times that I have walked for quite a long time before I felt I could step back into regular life again. I remember being so upset that I didn't want to stop walking, thinking that my family wouldn't really miss me, etc. As I walked and thought about my children and husband, I realized that the love I have for them is much stronger than any anger or feelings for self. My heart is softened and my true feelings come out. I think of ways to help life move along more smoothly, things I can do to brighten up my life and my family's lives.

Third. Another of the things I have found that really helps is to rearrange or reorganize the house every once in a while. Move the furniture in one or more rooms. Hang up some new pictures or change the arrangement of the old ones. Do a craft, if that's something that you like to do. It's amazing how doing something creative can make you feel revived again. You may also find a hidden talent. Do some spring cleaning. This sounds a bit drastic, but I always feel much better in clean surroundings. Cleaning helps me feel motivated to then go on and accomplish more things in other areas of my life, (ok, I know that I've always been a little strange that way). Try it and you may find it works for you. The more I sit around and do nothing, the more I feel like sitting around and doing nothing. Get up and get moving and it will be energizing. Very few people that I know, including myself, can really feel organized and peaceful in unorganized, dirty surroundings. Your home is an extension of your self, let it express who and what you are. I have never wanted my home to say "Here is where a slob dwells and all the little slobets." I am continually thinking of better, more efficient ways of doing things. There have been things that I have done for years and suddenly a new thought pops into my head about a better way to accomplish the task. When this happens, I feel amazed that I hadn't thought of the thing before, it seems so simple. At any rate, keep yourself thinking and trying to improve at all times. Getting yourself organized and staying organized is another way to keep your surroundings livable and likable. It is true that, if you are organized on the outside, you will naturally feel more organized, less frustrated on the inside.

Fourth. I find that decorating for special occasions keeps life fun. From September until the end of April there is a continual change. I keep up the decorations for a month at a time for each holiday. Just enough time to enjoy but not enough time to get sick of them. September is Autumn time. October is Autumn plus Halloween, ghosts, goblins and lots of pumpkins. November is Thanksgiving. I put up Pilgrims, pumpkins and Indians. December and into January we have fun with Christmas, which is the biggest holiday of the year, and one that my family loves. That's why I always keep those up longer. Halfway through January I put up the Valentine hearts, cupids, etc. It has been our own family tradition to cut a live tree at Christmas time and keep it well watered. We then leave it up until the end of February. While it is up and after we have taken the Christmas things off, I put hearts and bows on the tree. It is now our Valentine tree. In March, I like to decorate for St. Patrick's Day with clovers and lots of green. April is the season for Easter, which is another fun month for decorating. May and June, I use a lot of bright colors to represent the wakening of the world with spring. July is the fourth of July celebration and using red, white and blue. August is summer fun and I try to cut flowers from my yard and brighten up the house with them. Of course, your family may have different customs, as well as different holidays, but there are things you can do, to fit your own circumstances. Use your imagination. I have not been in the practice of purchasing decorations. I have always used either things that I have made, my children have made, or things that have been a gift from someone. This tradition is an extension of our family. It not only lifts my spirit but the whole family's. Check each months craft section contained in this publication for ideas and pattern for easy crafts you can do and also your family.

There you have my solutions to "mother burn-out". These are all tried and tested over the past 36 years of marriage and kids, guaranteed to give both you and your family pleasure. Besides helping with "mother burn-out", you may find that you have a closer relationship with your husband and children, you feel better inside and feel you have more energy. You may even develop a new hobby and a better you.

Hang in there!! You too, can overcome any obstacle in your way.