Kids Who Get Into Things

When we were somewhat newly married (around the time of our third child), we had some friends who lived down the street from us. They had children about the same ages as our own. They had two boys and a girl, like us. The parents were about the same age as we were also. There was one major difference between the two families, one household was always in total chaos, the other household was organized and generally clean. Luckily we were the latter family.

My friend would call on the phone with an almost frantic tone to her voice. Her children had gone through her kitchen and dumped out all of the cereal onto the floor. To make matters worse, they had gotten into the peanut butter and jelly and had spilled that as well. While she was busy cleaning up the mess, her children went into the bathroom and squeezed out all of the toothpaste onto the cupboard and floor. If this were a one time event and her children had learned that it was wrong, that would be one thing. The problem that she was having was that this happened quite often. She didn't know what to do. I tried to be a friend and help her as much as I could but she refused to make her kids accountable for the things that they were doing.

Most instances where children get into things aren't as drastic as the example given of my friend. Even a child who normally wouldn't get into "things" will sometimes go exploring into things that he shouldn't be into. A couple of our kids, one time, decided to be creative and explore the markers. Oliver was 3 and Heather was 1. I was taking a shower and when I got out I went out to check on the kids. I was totally shocked to find that their faces were totally painted blue, including the eye lids. When I lifted Heather up to show her what she looked like in the mirror, it SCARED her. This was not a common occurrence, in fact nobody has painted themselves to that extent, since. The scrubbing of the marker off of their faces cured them of any more escapades like that one. Some of the other kids have pulled books from the shelves or gotten into the crackers etc. but never on a long term basis. They have all learned from each instance that, if they make a mess, they have to clean it up, and mom is not happy with them.

NOTE: I've found that sometimes kids will snitch into things, but only if the package has already been opened and they will always leave some crumbs or pieces so that they can say "I didn't eat all of it."

How do you teach your children to stay out of things that aren't their own?

The first key is to not allow it. Let your child know that making a mess or getting into other peoples' property is not acceptable. Will this deter them? It's very doubtful that just this will do the job. There has to be some punishment or consequence for disobeying and for re-enforcing obedience. You could even let your child know before hand what the consequences for disobedience are. Everything that you have done up to this point is worth nothing unless you complete the next step, which is to follow-through.

We have never allowed our kids to make messes or get into things. If they did, they were the ones who had to take care of the problem, as much as possible. Even a very small child can help pick things up, and even wash things. I guess that's why I have never had much of a problem in this area. If my friend had her children clean up the mess (as much as possible), and sent them to their rooms or some other punishment, she wouldn't have had as big of a problem. Also, if she wouldn't have allowed them to have any cold cereal for a week, ( have hot cereal instead), they would have thought twice about ever dumping it out again. If these things or similar natural-type consequences would have been consistently enforced, her children would have learned control and obedience. She wouldn't have had to go through the extreme frustration, and extra work.

Children can learn self control and obedience and still be creative, secure and happy.