Toilet Training

I love children and have loved every stage that a child progresses through . . . that is except Toilet Training. I have told others  "I'm sure I haven't been blessed with a perfect child yet. No baby has ever come to us already toilet trained". 

I guess there is no "perfect" child. We all have to deal with this process of life, or keep our kids in diapers which would be totally gross. YUCK!.

I have toilet-trained 12 children. It takes some preparation and psyching up, to toilet train a toddler. While going through toilet training, you find yourself in potty mouth mode. If you don't have a potty mouth before toilet training, you will afterward. You will find yourself speaking in potty terms, "do you have to go potty?", "don't pee pee in your pants.".... . You may even find yourself greeting your husband after work with "Did you know that this big boy went poo poo in the potty?" Never before or ever again will making it to the bathroom to do your duty, mean so much. Of course, your baby is now a "big" boy or girl, no longer a "baby."

With my first child, as I listened to other mothers and read articles, I thought I understood just what to expect and what to do to accomplish the task of toilet training. It all seemed so cut and dry ..... easy. Boy, was I wrong! We had another baby due when my first child was 23 months old and I had my time-line of events envisioned. I would have the first child totally toilet trained before the baby was born and then I would only have one baby in diapers. Of course, the training process meant that he would also be trained at night too!

I wasn't working outside of the home and I had the time to accomplish this task. I got a number of pairs of training pants, a supply of books placed by the toilet and, of course, my positive attitude. With lots of "Big Boy" words of encouragement I knew my new big boy could complete the goal within a day or two. When all of the training pants were wet or soiled, without a washing machine in the house, I knew that this could take longer than I had expected. This difficulty in coping was enhanced by my ever growing size and inability to move quickly because of it. Needless to say, my first child was not totally trained by the time our second baby was born and it took even longer to fully accomplish night training.

I know there are mothers who say that they accomplished toilet training in one day, and spout off their success, but this is not the norm. The child is the other part of this process and every child is different and have their own sets of problems and strengths. A lot of times in cases where the child is trained quickly, it is the "mother" who is trained, not the child.

Of course, I was successful in toilet training that first son. He's 36 now and has been out of diapers for quite some time, in fact he'll be toilet training his own daughter in the very near future.

The thing that I realized from this experience was that I was pushing him to be on my time table. Sometimes, because of personal circumstances it is necessary to push or strongly encourage a child to do something. Toilet training is not usually one of those things that can be pushed. I realized that I was really just training myself long before I trained my son. There are muscles involved here and if those muscles are not fully developed and ready to work, they won't. Also if the right mind set is not there, it will take longer.

I got smarter with each toilet training experience. I learned to watch for the signs of toilet-training readiness that my child displayed. When my child is anxious to be "big" and has regular bowel movements (no diarrhea) at pretty much a regular time of the day, this is a good time to start thinking and working on toilet training.

I've heard things such as "girls are easier to train than boys."

I've learned that every child is an individual and though the girls have indoor plumbing and boys outdoor, sometimes they don't have the same size storage tanks. I have found that there is no direct gender correlation. This statement is based on training six boys and six girls.

One of my easiest children to toilet train was a boy, but he did have a bigger storage tank. The hardest child was a girl who didn't like to go to the bathroom. One time she even said to me, after using the bathroom, "Now I'll never have to go potty again." I told her to not count on it. This is something that never ends. She did learn, even though she tried hard to resist. I've learned that if this is a hard thing for a child to achieve, it shouldn't affect their outlook about themselves. Toilet training isn't a thing that you can force upon a child, but it needs to be encouraged.

If you will be facing this challenge soon, get plenty of training pants or Pull ups. Pull ups are nice, if you can afford them. They are quite costly. If you do use Pulls ups, it is easy to treat them like diapers and not change them right when they are soiled. If this is the case, you are just wasting your time and money. Your goal will also take much longer to achieve.

I like to use real underpants. You can tell immediately when your child has had an accident and it is a little bit uncomfortable for your child which can help your child to remember and not have an accident. They also FEEL more like a "big kid" and less like a baby in a disposable diaper. With girls it sometimes helps to have frilly, pretty underpants as an encouragement, they are less likely to want to make them dirty. My youngest daughter had some Mickey Mouse underpants that she liked. They weren't frilly, but she liked them, so what else matters. When she is wearing them, I found that she was more careful to not have an accident, so that she could continue to wear them.

Try to pick a time of the year that is not really cold, like summer!! The fewer clothes your child has on, the fewer things you will have to wash and fewer things you will have to pull down when you're rushing to the toilet. I like to toilet train in the summer so that the child can wear just a T-shirt and underpants, when I'm at home, obviously. If you work, try to find a time that you will be at home with your child and can concentrate on the task at hand.

I keep a lot of books in the bathroom so that I am prepared with reading material to keep the child occupied while they are waiting for something to happen, without getting bored. We also sing songs while waiting. Be creative and think of something that your child would enjoy while sitting still on the potty. This will also help them to relax and let nature run its course. If the child is happier, he will naturally feel more cooperative and have an easier time learning to control his muscles. Sometimes at first, you may have to let your child sit there for a while. When he has his first success of "going in the toilet," it will be encouraging and easier from that point on. This is one of those patience growing situations.

I also set a timer, when just beginning, to get the child used to going to the toilet and to hopefully catch the child before they have an accident in their pants. I usually started out with 20 to 30 minute intervals. Again, if your child has some successes he will feel more encouraged and proud of him (or her) self.

Remember it won't help to push and punish the child at this beginning stage. Those muscles are difficult to learn to control and until ready, you will only frustrate yourself and him.

I've heard people say that you have to have a separate potty chair and all the right equipment to do this right. I have a little seat that goes right on the toilet, but to tell you the truth, I don't use it very much. When the child is ready to go in the toilet, they are usually ready to sit on the big seat toilet too, with some help. My youngest, when she was a two-year-old could get herself onto and off of the toilet by herself. This helped her to not fear the big toilet and besides it's fun to flush.

That's one of the big rewards for going in the toilet, the flushing and seeing it go down. OK, I'll admit it, one real reason that we don't use a potty chair is that I hate cleaning out the potty chair and having the mess sitting around. I can't imagine all those germs sitting around ready to jump out at me. OOH, it makes me shudder! I will go with the real toilet and keep all those germs contained and flush the mess away, thank you.

Soon the trials of daytime toilet training will only be history. A memory you will hold close to...... well at least you'll be happy with the "being over" part.

Now to work on the night training . . . that is another story!