Alison's Last Month

Even though we were very optimistic about the "seeming" continuing improvement in Alison's condition, our hopes were almost crushed when she had a white stool again. One night in late April, I was getting Alison ready for bed. When I took her diaper off to change her, I found that she had a white stool, the sign that bile was not being drained. I called the doctor immediately. We had to make a run up to the hospital. After finding a place for our other kids to stay, we quickly drove to the hospital, which was about 40 miles away.

After doing all of the preliminary tests: blood pressure, pulse/heart rate, temperature, etc., plans were underway for more extensive tests. The following day they would do a liver biopsy. The procedure was not a difficult one. They would stick a long needle into her abdomen and into the liver and get a small part of her liver. That way they could see exactly what was in the liver itself and know how to proceed.

When the report came back it was found that she had more infection in her liver than liver cells. I still remember that when the doctor came to us to tell us the prognosis, there was so much emotion in his voice, I thought he might break out in tears. I found that I felt sorry for him having to tell us the news. He told us that because there was more infection than liver cells in the liver, there was nothing more that we could do. He wanted us to pull her off all of the medications and take her home. He told us the things that Alison may go through before she died. She was dying of liver sclerosis.

We didn't want to accept this; we had heard about the transplanting of organs and Cyclosporin"A" was being experimented with. We had even recently heard something about experimental transplanting of livers. We asked the doctors if this could be done. The reply was "no". Cyclosporin "A" was a drug that had been developed to prevent the body from rejecting an organ that had been transplanted. The doctor told us that this drug was still in the experimental stage. It had worked on animals but it wasn't yet totally proven for humans. We couldn't figure out why they wouldn't at least try. They hadn't given us any other options. With all of our efforts and urging, they wouldn't go that route. Now looking back, it would have probably just prolonged her agony because they still don't have very much success with liver transplants in children with this condition. When you're faced with something of this nature though, sitting back and doing nothing is exactly what you don't want to do.

We took Alison home, took her off all of the medications and continued to care for her. She was much happier without the medication. She was also able to keep food down. We had remained optimistic that she would prove everyone wrong and she would be okay. Here is where our faith was trying to take over.

With our religious beliefs, we believe that we must do everything in our power and when we had done that, the Lord would step in and help. We had been diligent in caring for Alison. We had done everything that we could. We were now depending on the Lord.

Before leaving the hospital, we had asked a leader in our church (and distant relative) if he would come up to the hospital to help give her a blessing, which he did. We also fasted and offered special prayers in her behalf. Surely, this would be one of those miracles that we had sometimes heard about.

On May 31^st (during the night) she wasn't sleeping well. I brought her to bed with me to nurse her and comfort her. On June 1^st, 1978 at around 5:00 AM, I awoke because I could feel that something was wrong. Alison was in convulsions. We called a friend over and he and my husband gave her a blessing. As soon as the blessing was given the convulsions started leaving her body, starting at her head. Within a short time she was relaxing and peaceful.

It just so happened that the night before, the other kids had spent the night at my sister's house. Also, my husband was involved in a project at work and needed to get some papers to a man by 7:00 a.m. that morning. The only reason that he went ahead to take the papers was that Alison was resting peacefully now and he felt like she was going to be OK. While he was gone, I laid there holding her, trying to get a feeling of how she was doing. All of a sudden out of her quiet sleep, she started making some weird noises and then a gasp. She was dead. My husband was gone no longer than half an hour and she died. Her life was over on this earth.

We had fought the fight of our lives and we had lost. When my husband arrived home he couldn't believe that she was gone. We were angry. We were hurt. We were confused. We were torn in a way that is too hard to explain. We felt that our faith had been torn from us and nothing was left.

We called and had my sister bring the other kids home. We spent a couple of hours holding her, crying and sharing our feelings with one another before they came and took her away. The time in my life that I felt the most torment and loss was when the coroner came and took her body away and I saw the car drive away. Still after 20 years it brings me to tears to think of this experience.

After she was gone I tried to remember everything about Alison, I didn't want to lose the memories; they were all that I had left. I tried to think of her and instead of seeing her as a baby, I saw her as a beautiful young woman. I knew inside me that it was her. As I have pondered on that experience I have come to realize that this is who she really is. She is not here with us now physically but her spirit lives on and that she is with God. She has a special mission to perform even there for Him. It wasn't that the Lord had abandoned us. He just sees the whole picture and knows what needs to be done. Alison had a special purpose here, she taught us many lessons. She has a special purpose on the other side too and is busy there helping Him. My husband and I talked about how to go on from there and we decided that we needed to always remember her with our children and keep her a part of our family. We have done that. All of our children know that there are thirteen children, which includes Alison. We celebrate her birthday and remember her on holiday's. She is our daughter and we still love her.

Alison gained her body and then went on to reap her glory. I feel humbled to be a part of His plan and to have been given the chance to have her for a little while.